Honestly, I admit.

So part of my problems involve me lying to myself about food and cheating myself. When reading some of the literature I collected after my first program meeting, I cried. There is a list, yes or no, that helps you to realize ones problems as a Compulsive Overeater. I was yes to all but one of them. It made me realize how much this is really taking a toll on my emotions.

1. Do you eat when you're not hungry?  YES 
2. Do you go on eating binges for no apparent reason? YES
3. Do you have feelings of guilt and remorse after overeating? YES
4. Do you give too much time and thought to food? YES
5. Do you look forward with pleasure and anticipation to the time when you can eat alone? YES
6. Do you plan these secret binges ahead of time? YES
7. Do you eat sensibly before others and make up for it alone? YES
8. Is your weight affecting the way you live your life? YES
9. Have you tried to diet for a week (or longer), only to fall short of your goal? YES
10. Do you resent others telling you to "use a little willpower" to stop overeating? YES
11. Despite evidence to the contrary, have you continued to assert that you can diet "on your own" whenever you wish? YES
12. Do you crave to eat at a definite time, day or night, other than mealtime? YES
13. Do you eat to escape from worries or trouble? YES
14. Have you ever been treated for obesity or a food-related condition? NO
15. Does your eating behavior make you or others unhappy? YES

Coming to terms with where I am in life has been difficult. I am young, but I feel like I have the body of someone broken. My knees crack walking up the stairs, my arms stick out away from my body because of my fat, and i cant look down all the way because of my double chin.

These things follow me day and night. This is my time to change though. I did well again today. Yogurt for breakfast with coffee with equal
Mediterranean Wrap for lunch
Salad with a side of Mac and cheese for dinner
Decaf Chai with equal for dessert

Fells good to control what I eat.

I have thanks for the women from program who have been calling on occasion to help give me strength and let me know they are there for me if i have an urge to overeat. I feel like i have more energy, less sluggish. Happy too. This feels amazing, I just need to keep my eye on the prize, I have had so many failures in the past that this scares me. I hope with the program, on maybe support from writing on here i can really do this.