My Reasons

So, I feel horrible that I have not updated for days! I was in a little rut, and I still am. I wanted to go into my list of goals and really express why i have them on my list. I want to remind myself why they are there. Here we go

• Be under 200 lbs: completed 01/11/2011
 This goal was important for me, because reaching 200lbs was a dropping point for me. I was mortified! I had always told myself, " i wont get above 150.....160....180.... " this has gone on for years, I may as well have been saying " I don't care how big I get as long as I can eat" It was ridiculous. I made this my first goal because it was important for me to get below that number in order to know i was helping myself. I needed to see that I can live again. And it is my first success! I am on my way to getting healthy : )

• Leave the Medically 'Obese' zone (under 29.9 BMI)
So the story behind this is about 8 years ago I went to the doctor and she some hoe fit in, " you are now medically Obese" with out even looking at me! She said it as if it was normal, like it was expected. It didst phase me at fist until I was at home crying. I told my best friend and she said, " no your not!" so I believed her. I knew I really was, but I made myself believe it was not true so I felt better about being so heavy at school. Leaving this zone, I will make sure I do not take it lightly, it will be a huge triumph on my behalf, No more lying to myself! I need to be honest to be successful with this journey.

• Leave the Medically ' Overweight' zone (under 24.9 BMI)
I don't think i even remember not being overweight. Somehow I became to believe that my  healthy weight was 180lbs. I though this was a normal weight. When i looked into what i am supposed to be around, it is anywhere between 115 and 145 lbs! OMG! I have been lying to myself about health just as i somehow thought 6 hours of sleep a night was what a good night is (it is 8). This goal will be hard, but when i get there, i think it will be amazing. Sports, I am coming back!


• Weigh under 180 pounds.
I know this seems similar to all the others, but this is the weight on my Drivers License from when i was 16! This magical number represents the number i had to lie about on my card because i was too embarrassed to write down my true weight. My hopes is that my next drivers license will hold a new, better number : )


• Lose 50 lbs
This number i guess came from my main weight loss goal at the moment, to get to 155lbs. This is just before what the BMI says my healthy weight is, but i felt it was a goal with in reach. I can move forward from there to where i need to be.

• Find my comfort weight
No one knows their happy weight until they are there, who knows, maybe 155 is all i need! maybe more, maybe less. I wont know until i get there, and once i find it, i will hold on to it for my life (literally)

• Be in Athletic Shape.
I played soccer for ages, and swam competitively. I want to enjoy these passions once again, since my weight have caused me to stop swimming due to the suits, and stop soccer because of the strain on my knees. When i am healthy, this will be my form of exercise.

• Flirt with a guy for fun. 01/22/2011
Although my recent flirt was not at all what i meant by this, it was the fact that I didnt feel horribly ugly, and too shy to even try to flirt. I did it! he flirted back, friend wise anyhow, but nevertheless, i was filled with confidence. I do plan on doing this, as building my old personality back up to be a more fun loving person. No more isolation.

• Run a Mile nonstop.
I sometimes give myself landmarks to run to, like, the next stop sign, or the end of the block, or two blocks! I can only do some much. I get winded, and my feet die! I also have inflamed soles, but with less weight on my body there will be less strain on my feet, and more wind in my lungs. The mile is my goal, Even is its is a light run, or a jog. Just no stopping.

That is all for today. My weight is now at 189.2 lbs! so just a few more until I am out of obesity. WOOO! that seems so odd to say. Less than 5 lbs: ) Maybe in a few weeks i will be there. So excited for that. I just need to do this day by day. Gonna do the gym tomorrow since i couldn't today. And keep up with my proportionate eating