Tuesday, May 10, 2011

bad bad bad

So I have had a terrible month off of my program, and i feel like crap, i look like crap and i need to breath and get back on top of things. I need to focus on my health and eat normal, healthy foods!

I have no idea what i ate today, but i know it was far to much. Tomorrow i will go back onto my food plan and maybe get back to the 169 lbs where i was (totally doable too!) i would like to be there for my graduation:

So today was  175 (to up 6 lbs  from April) and i have three and 1/2 weeks till graduation. I figure some of the weight is from excess food in my system, and that should leave me with just under 2 lbs per week. 
My weight has been fluctuating from 173 to 175 so it would even be 1lbs a week. We will see. Regardless of the weight i need to eat healthy so i can have a good last few weeks here:

Tomorrow:
Breakfast
Oatmeal (1/2 cup)     150cal
NF Plain Greek Yogurt 100cal
Banana                100cal
total:                350 calories

Lunch:
Steamed Carrots and Broccoli
with: (ill have to purchase something since i am out of proteins at home)

The rest will be decided tomorrow

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Good Day

YAY! food was good today, I stayed in my calories, and I didn't eat a bunch of granola bars! Haha. Anyhow, I am making a change to my diet so that my three meals throughout the day are more consistent with my days calories, so that I do not end up eating to much in each meal. 

My weight had no change today, but I have gone to the gym for the last three days and gotten good workouts, so hopefully I will see something before the end of the month so I can see if I am on track with my goal. 

I had almonds with my lunch today, and steamed kale as one of my veggies, both great additions to my diet. No other big changes. I need t put more veggies back into my lunch, tomorrow ill start that back with carrots and cauliflower. yay!
Ok, that's it for today.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

No change, But great Comments

There were no changes in weight today, however I did get some comments on looking 'fabulous' from some women at work. So it was both a good, and a not so great day. I have been watching my food intake and getting to the gym, so I haven't felt great at seeing the scale at a stand still. I get the muscle gain thing, but its still frustrating! 

I feel good, my mind, body. And My jeans are almost to big for me!!!! these are pants that I once had to wear unzipped and tuck in the button flaps just to wear a pair of jeans. I wore all my jeans like that because I refused to buy any sizes larger. For a while after I just wore leggings because that was all i knew would fit. Going through a morning of 'which pants can I squeeze into' got old.


Breakfast:
Greek Yogurt (i ate around the fruit as I found I don't like the blueberry)
1 cup strawberries
3/4 cup Kashi Cerea
1/3 cup almond milk
1 granola bar

Lunch
Cliff Bar and a Kashi Bar (! i know, not good)
1 apple
1 cup baby carrots


Dinner
3 oz firm tofu
1 egg
4 cups various vegtable (mostly green and some purple)
1 small whole wheat and flax pita
1 granola bar (ahhhh! i only ate one, so this is better than the past two nights)


So any ideas on how to subdue my cravings other than not eat them!?

Monday, March 28, 2011

Problems with energy Bars

I have found that I am starting to treat granola and energy bars to be like candy, since it the closest thing to candy i am eating I may have to cut them out of my diet, which shouldn't be a problem. maybe if i want granola i will start buying it in bulk and weight it in portions, so it is less candy like. Today I went above my calories again due to overeating granola bars (cliff granola bars to be specific). 


Breakfast was normal, plus a Kashi bar,


Lunch, my veggies went bad so i added a granola bar, dinner was normal, but i ate three granola bars!


Yea. It is a problem : ( no more granola bars. 


Well, that is solved.
I need to to go grocery shopping for salad greens and new veggies as well as fresh fruit tomorrow. Gonna get more strawberries, blueberries, apples and bananas for the week. 


Not sure about veggies


Did an hour on the elliptical today and 30 minutes of weight training, and jogged lightly to and from the gym. Although my calories were over, they were not above the calories i burned so although I probably wont loose anything, but at least i will not gain anything either!

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Triumph!

So I am happy to day that I got under 170 this weekend! My current weight is 169.6 lbs, so i have had a weight loss of 35.4 lbs since i began this journey. I am still in a little disbelief that this has actually been happening. I tried so many times, so many diets with little to no success. I guess it should not be odd to think that just eating healthy foods in portioned amounts would allow for such a change, but in my mind, as someone who have used compulsive eating all my life to fill in the emptiness i have tried my best to avoid that reality. 
I was afraid if i allowed myself to become vulnerable with out the crutch of food I would tumble down and endless pit! But it have actually allowed me to reevaluate my life, my priories and my being.
Pros:
I am loosing weight
I am feeling healthy
  I can breath! (i think i may have some intolerance to milk, because i stopped having trouble breathing when i switched to soy milk)
I can go jogging without my feet killing me, and having breathing problems
I can fit into every single article of clothing i have in my room(some even too big now!)
I am less self conscious in public, and can therefor pay attention to other things when out and about
I am loving whole grains!
I am discovering and trying new vegetables i have never even heard of
I am learning about how foods affect the body, and why i should eat some things and not other things
I am not going through pants as fast (the inner thighs would rub together and tear through the material)
I have more energy, focus and i smile more!!!
I am more kind to others, and less judgmental (i think my judgments were reflections of myself)

These are just a few of the things that are great about how i feel where i am right now.

The only con?:
No more candy, fancy deserts and  non-nutritious treats/foods
(but why is this even a con! If i love the taste of healthy foods i am discovering, am i really loosing anything here?)

Friday, March 25, 2011

New foods for health

Today I tried some new things to add some change to my foods. The best? Tofu Noodles! They have a little fishy smell at first but if you rinse them before you cook them then it goes away. I added a garlic, soy sauce and a tsp peanut butter to cook them a little before adding them on my pita with a egg and sesame-ginger dressed salad greens and red onion.


Along with the pita wrap I had the rest of my salad on the side as well as my steamed veggie mix (1/2 cup each of red, napa and savoy cabbage with green beans, zucchini and mushroom)

the dinner was amazingly filling! and all only 315 calories!!! I'm sorry I don't have pictures to show you as my room lamp broke and it is too dark to get a decent picture, but ill be having the same dinner tomorrow night since the tofu noodle pack comes with two servings (4oz each), so i wave one for tomorrow night. 

In addition to the noodles i bought some 100% whole wheat flax/fiber sandwich thins(to replace my current whole wheat english muffins) and flax/oat bran whole wheat pita  breads to replace my whole wheat pita. Both the new additions are 100% whole wheat and lower calorie than my previous partially whole wheat choices. Ill see how they are over the weekend after i run out of my current stuff.


Anyhow, I didn't weight myself this morning, but i'll update tomorrow. Still hoping to get under 170 this weekend.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

AHHH

I keep doing stupid things and making compulsive choices with my food. Today i ate my regular foods but added two Kashi cereal bars at lunch and two at night! it was in the moment, being stressed about preforming with my aCapella group tonight and also with all the work ahead of me for midterms. Bad choices. Did  not go over my calories burned today, but was way over my needed intake for weight loss. Grrr. I need to be more attentive to why i am making these choices so that i can work on what it going wrong in my head.

I liked my lunch a lot. I was out of eggs and peanut butter, so i added 1 oz of cheese on my whole wheat toasted English muffin for lunch and was surprisingly satisfied with it! I think if i add some grilled squash slices to the sandwich it could be perfect. Anyhow, i will probably do that again tomorrow since i need to go through my current english muffins so i can get more nutritious ones at a better store. Something with more whole grains, flax or something other than just whole wheat. I saw some sandwich thins at whole foods for 100 calories that look good. I may also go for some natural peanut butter and add some apple slices and cinnamon.

Also, thinking of making baked apple chips with cinnamon this weekend for my breakfast fruit along with my yogurt and cereal. Its not adding any extra sugar, just a new way of eating my morning fruit! Excited. 

Working on the food.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

First Part of the Day

Breakfast 
is still at 2oz of cereal with 1/2cup of soymilk, I keep putting my needed change out of my mind. I want to eat only 1.5 oz of cereal with 3/8cup of soymilk. I know it is not a huge change but my compulsion keeps eating the larger portion that i do not need in addition to my yogurt and fruit. Especially since i have added grains to both lunch and dinner. Tomorrow I want to start my smaller portion of cereal(ill still add my cinnamon though!)

Lunch 
was odd today. I forgot to cook my veggies so i ended up adding a Kashi protein fiber bar to my apple and peanut/cereal mixture. To much grain! no veggies! I'm little disappointed in myself, but I am still getting 5+ servings of fruits and veggies with my morning and afternoon fruit and 4 servings of veggies at dinner. So no big deal. Just a little higher calorie/starch than normal.

Dinner Plans:
3 oz tuna on a whole wheat pita with salad greens and onions with 1/2 tbs vinaigrette and a little pepper
Spring Mix Salad with remaining 1.5 tbs vinaigrette
My pre-portioned veggie mix which included 1/2 cup of each red, napa, and savoy cabbage; zucchini; green beans; and 43 grams of spinach. I  add soy sauce garlic and ginger with some water to cook it all in.


 I noticed that i need to add more color back again, maybe some red/orange/yellow bell pepper, yellow squash, beets, carrots.

Any other ideas i am missing?

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

A good day, with good food

My food plan was strong today. 
I had my regular 
breakfast of 
2oz Kashi Original cereal with  
1/2c light vanilla soy milk, 
6oz Chobani Honey Greek Yogurt and 
1 apple.

For Lunch I had 
1 egg on a 
1 whole wheat english muffin with a side of 
1 cup both steamed broccoli and cauliflower with 
1/2 cup of baby carrots with a small apple 
( I did sneak a nature valley oat bar for a snack-but stayed under my calories)

For dinner I had 
2 oz salad greens with
1.5 tbs light sesame ginger dressing,
3 servings of veggies (cabbage, green beans and zucchini)
1 whole wheat pita with
3 oz of light tofu and 
1 egg, 
.5 oz salad greens and 
.5tbs dressing.


The day was good, long, but i did struggle in the evening with not eating a bowl of cereal. I keep trying to tell myself i can have more food, trying to make up reasons. But i need to remember the fact that I AM NOT STILL HUNGRY! I just want something to chew, to taste and to eat. I don't need more food after a meal. Plain and Simple. Anyhow. I am happy today, good food, weight went down from 172.8 to 171.2 so i am still seeing progress after 33 lbs! My goal is only 16.6lbs away!  Wish me Luck!

Monday, March 21, 2011

A New week

Weight went up a little, but hoping tomorrow will go back down. Just goes to show what a binge can do to your body. I do not want to do that again. Today food was good, I tried some new things, as I will tomorrow. We will see how it pans out. Anyhow Breakfast was my regular yogurt, cereal with vanilla soymilk and a piece of fruit. (I still need to make it 3/4 cup not a full cup of cereal)
 I finally bought more strawberries, so I will be having those with breakfast tomorrow morning! I love apples, but really need to mix it up, both for minds sake and for better nutrition throughout the day. I started buying plan Chobani yogurt that will slowly work into my diet as i have berries available. Its 50 calories less than the honey and a little higher in protein. I have a stash of yogurt in my fridge, but am working through them based on the expiration date being closest.

Lunch:
Plus a fresh plum for my fruit, and a Kashi Honey-Flax-Oat Bar and small soy latte to add some protein. Felt full until dinner time!(which I even had late since i portioned out my veggies for the week tonight)
Dinner:
 So I had my basic salad(2.5oz) plus sliced onion (no cheese tonight) along with a veggie stir fry(3 servings of Veggies). I cooked up 3 oz of light tofu with some garlic and spices. 

My addition tonight:

I had a whole wheat pita(80cal) lightly toasted and pulled a little of my salad greens, onions and sesame-ginger dressing, as well as some of my tofu onto the pita. I also added on small free-range brown egg with 1tsp of saracha hot sauce for tasty  little Pita wrap. (this is instead of adding brown rice like I have been the last few nights) With the egg a little runny it added enough moisture to not need any additional dressings or sauce. (full dinner under 350 calories!)

The food was filling, and my body feels great! Since I started eating healthy I haven't felt bloated, gassy, overly full, greasy, or had an upset stomach. I have also noticed my skin being more clear (this is probably because I am taking better care of my self in general) But not to mention all my old close fit better than they ever did before I grew to big for them : )
Weight is currently 172.8lbs (+.6)  :  still a 32.2lbs weight loss!



Friday, March 18, 2011

Bad night

So, tonight i had a fall in judgment and control in my eating. I was invited out with a friend who is in the same program as I. I assumed it would be fine not to eat there and just have my measured dinner before i went so i wouldn't be temped. Well, I was.  The food was amazing, delicious and plentiful. Unfortunately, it was also mostly starches, high fat, low nutrition food which i ate far, far too much of. I did not have the willpower to stop myself and say no, and i didn't feel comfortable calling someone as i was sitting right next to the very person i would call!(who by the way, was binging more than I) in fact, not one person at the table was not stuffing their faces, i must have been at the one table where everyone's stomachs have reached full capacity. 

I am frustrated, because I control my actions, and I failed miserably. At this point, even the gym, which i will be going to after this post, wont help me this time. There is no way I can burn the amount of calories I have just indulged in. I feel sick, by stomach is huge.

I wish I could at least count the calories to see where I am really at, but i don't actually know what the food was! it was some foreign food style i don't know with strange vegetables i have never even seen(i am pretty goof with veggies) and oil? fat? butter? no clue. The killer was the bread. I have not had white bread for two months.....I ate 3 rolls.

Anyhow, I have stopped eating now, I wont be eating anymore tonight and tomorrow will be a new day. There is nothing more I can do about this tonight(other than the gym).

I can honestly say know I understand what being full feels like. I used to think this was a normally feeling, and than everything else was emptiness. I hate this feeling. I don't ever want to feel this way again. Thank you to listening to me ranting if you are reading this.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Dinner Photo and updates

 Dinner: 3oz Chicken, 1/2c Red Bell Pepper,
1/2c Red Cabbage, 1/2c Napa Cabbage, 
1/2c Collard Greens, 1/2c Spinach with Garlic, 
Ginger, Soy Sauce Sesame seed and red pepper flakes
and 1/2c Brown Rice. (this is all cooked in a nonstick pan 
with a little water added to get some steam going)

75grams Baby Spinach  Salad with
2tbs LowFat Sesame-Ginger Dressing (This is delicious!
and only 35 calories  -  Newman's Own)
With 1 oz Crumbled Goat Cheese
(forgot to take a new picture, so this is a older pic)


Good day today, had good food, a little over the calories I wanted since I 
added a little goat cheese to my dinner, but still healthy, and nothing I'll
gain weight over : ) I got down to 172.2 today, so close to the 160's that I
am almost in disbelief, I really don't know the last time I was there could have 
even been. In addition to good eating i also managed to get to the gym tonight, 
45 minutes of Cardio and about 20 minutes of weight training.

I'll Post a new progress picture once I get to 169lbs!

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Food Photos-Really see what I am eating

 1 cup Cauliflower and 1 cup Broccoli- Steamed 
 50g Baby Spinach Salad with 1 tsp Light Dressing
 1 cup raw baby carrots (as opposed to steaming them)
 1 oz peanuts and 1/2 cup Kashi Original Cereal
1 medium Apple

I also had a cup of coffee with 1/4 cup vanilla soy milk
leaving the calorie total for my lunch meal at about 458.
Earlier this morning I had a Chobani Greek yogurt(16g protein!), 1 cup of strawberries(antioxidants/VitaminC),
and 1 cup cereal(fiber/protein/wholegrains) with 1/2 cup vanilla  soy milk.
(399 calories of a well balanced meal for breakfast)


Day feels good so far, although i tend to add unplanned things to 
my meals(like the salad) which are not hurting my physically, but they are becoming
a problem mentally. The adjusted starches to my meals have been good so far, and I have my brown rice portioned off for the next couple of days. Magically i did not scoop out the remaining grains from the pot when i was done measuring! I didn't even shovel a bite! In the past I would eat/taste everything while cooking, probably adding and entire meal to my day. Being strong feels so good : )

If people have recommendations of ideas i would love to hear them!


FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER  @makemygoal




Monday, March 14, 2011

Changes

So I decided to change my food plan, I was really depriving myself of starch, since it is part of my addiction with eating compulsively. I decided to up my morning cereal from 1 to 2 ounces, add 1/2 cup of of grain in the afternoon, and 1/2 cup of grain in the evening. This should keep my energy levels up and hopefully push away some of my carb fantasies, lol. 

I also lowered the cheese(fat) from 2 ounces to .5 ounces in the evening, since i just don't need all the fat if I am having dressing on my salad. Those are the only big changes i made. We will see how i feel with the edits and go from there. I am expecting a little more energy through ought the day, so hopefully i will be able to get out to the gym more if i have the motivation and time.

Food was good today, I feel satisfied and calm.  Not expecting any change in weight tomorrow since i didn't get to the gym this weekend, but i do plan on staying at 173. My calories have been pretty spot on for healthy weight loss and it has been coming off pretty smoothly(for the first time in my life.

Who thought eating healthy, portioned food would make such a difference! ( oh wait, that should be obvious...shouldn't it?

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Weekend

My number finally came down, i hate having to wait to see change, but its how it works, and i need to remember that. I know i weigh myself a lot, but i look at each day as its own, i try not to worry about the next day, or about the long run. just today. If I can eat well today, then i have been successful. I don't have to worry about tomorrow until it comes.

Food today was pretty good. I ate earlier than usual for lunch as i was going out and didn't want to lug around my food. Maybe not a great idea, but i didn't cave in to extra snacks while i was out despite not getting home till past 7. I made a small compulsive choice in adding a little extra napa cabbage to my already weighed veggies. I wont hurt my calories ( probably under 5!) but it was a poor choice, compulsive and unnecessary. I already had a full four servings of veggies ready to go! So that i was something to think about to think about why i made that change in the moment, what triggered it, and how can I make the better choice in the future.

Anyhow. Weight was good today, Food was fairly good today. My boyfriend however, has gotten in the habit of telling me i am getting worked up, more specifically calling me uptight during conversations. I have been uptight at times, no doubt about it. But he seems to say i am uptight and to calm down, when i am not being uptight! it is usually when i ask questions about things that he doesn't want to talk about. Like school. I asked him what classes he signed up for, and since he didn't actually sign up yet, started telling me to calm down, and stop being so uptight. It is quite frustrating, and in the end makes me uptight! wonderful. Anyhow, that brought down my day significantly, but writing on here has made me feel better. Sipping some straight decaf chai tea to get some warmth, took a nice shower, shaved my legs(feels so nice!)
and oohhh

Got new boots today! My legs can actually fit in the shaft of the boot! I didn't used to be able to zip boots up, so i always wore sandals and flats (and uggs in the cold) and i can finally get to wear cute knee high boots! ill post photos later. : )

Friday, March 11, 2011

Why This Food Plan

So, to better understand why I am eating what I am is indeed very specific.

I have tried many diets and weight loss programs from Atkins, Calorie Restriction, to Weight Watchers. The problem with these diets for me was that they were not permanent solutions to a better way of eating. I knew I couldn't follow points the rest of my life, and that eventually I would cave into more food or carbs with other restricting diets. My problems have been with food choices, portions and compulsive overeating. 

First of all, the plan is based of of one of OA's food plans, and has been adjusted to fit my own personal life style. 

The answer to my plan? 
-Portion Control, Healthy Choices, abstinence from overeating and a good variety of necessary nutrients through fruits, veggies, whole grains, healthy fats and lean protein.

-In order to successfully achieve Portion Control: I weigh and measure my food for accurate portions of each food item so I can better estimate what I am eating and not stress about worries if i ate to much or to little.

-For Health: I try to choose a variety of fruits and vegetables from different color families and type to get the most out of a balanced meal and proper nutrients.
I also vary my protein to keep it interesting, generally choosing only lean meats, healthy nuts, tofu or eggs and only eat healthy fats from nuts, avocado and olive oils since the body still needs fat to work. 

I choose to eat my only high carb item (dry cereal high in fiber and protein) along with non or low fat yogurt to start off with good energy in, while I also switched most of my coffee/tea additives to soy milk, to lower my daily intake as it was much to high before. 
I no longer add sugar to anything as it generally triggers massive sugar cravings(except for the sugar content in vanilla soy milk and naturally occurring in fruit), but I do sprinkle some plain cinnamon in my coffee and on my cereal in the morning.


So far I have weighed and measured my vegetable and protein portions into containers on the weekend for my week so that each morning i just trow my veggies in the steamer before I leave the house, grab my fruit an protein and don't have to worry about portioning each day. 

When I come home for dinner I also have my evening veggies measured out and just throw them in a pan, usually with my protein, and thrown together my salad and it makes everything simple and easy while still being delicious and filling.


Since I began this plan of eating about a month ago, I feel less sluggish, more alert, less cravings for carbs and sugar, and have been achieving slow, but sure weight loss! My breathing has improved and I can actually jog without dieing!

(I added my food plan core to the 'food plan' ) 

I have a large do not eat list of foods on my trigger list:
Bagels(especially with cream cheese), brownies, cake, ice cream, any pastries, Any white bread, or items made from white flour, toast, jelly and jams, cookies, candy, chocolate in any form, any dairy products above 1%, brie (or cheeses like it except for some goat cheeses), sugary cereals, butter/margarine, beer, pizza, heavily processed foods, cream dressings(yogurt okay), white rice, pudding, bacon, baked goods. That's the main idea of it, but it may change as I continue through life.


If anyone has any suggestions or questions I'd be happy to hear and answer them!



YAY FOR FRIDAY

So, to start things off, i started a food log page so i don't make my entries to long with a listing of what i ate. I tend to like reading short and sweet blogs, but when i have time i enjoy a long, deep reading. So i will try to keep my entries short.

I was successful with food today, I did not go over my max coffees(although i would love a tea right now, but i wont since that would be diverging from my plan of eating)
I kept my dinner to one protein like I planned, and was satisfied with the food.

I also excluded peanut butter from my sauce mixture as it adds to many unnecessary calories where i don't need any additional protein, so there is no benefit from adding the peanut butter (except for taste, but food is energy and it take fine without it!)

For the sauce i pan stir/steam/boil my veggies in i add the garlic, ginger, soy sauce, some water along with a little sesame seeds, pepper and red pepper flakes. It is lovely and refreshing, and My fat comes from the cheese and salad dressing, so I don't need any for cooking, and the peanuts for lunch also gave me a healthy protein for my diet.

I am happy to have the weekend to look forward to, two days of the gym for sure! sometimes my schedule just gets sooo crazy i feel like i hardly have time to breath.

I did get down to 174.2 today : ) i don't think i can remember the last time I was at this number. It s refreshing, and nice to find that i am fitting into my collection of clothing i set aside for (some day ill fit in to this) pile.  <3 Feeling happy

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Food, Thoughts, and Today

Food was not great today. I didn't eat to much or anything, but i diverged from my food plan and i know if i keep that up it will diverge back into pints of ice cream and daily bagels, which i cannot afford to do.

Tomorrow i will get back to my food plan, make sure i am getting my calories, my fat, protein, carbs, and a nice mixture of fruits and veggies ( 2 servings fruit and 7 servings veggies )

Today i had a alright day, long lectures in school, and my butt practically went numb from sitting for so long not to mention being in a dark room all day. Got a little rainy which was not great, and my weight did not fluctuate at all! which i was sad about. So far i have been pretty consistent with loosing something every 4 or 5 days but nothing today. Still at 174.6, but that's not bad. It is under 175, which was supposed to be my goal for the beginning of JUNE (this year!!!!!) So i am stoked. I would like to get to 170 at least by the end of the month, that would ideally be wonderful.  If i loose on average 7lbs a month then i will be at my 155 goal by Graduation : ) and then be home looking fancy and feeling good. 




 I have seen a good change in my self confidence, I am more open, less selfish, definitely more helpful to myself and others, and feeling physically and emotionally good compared to my past.




I love how good food, exercise and not compulsive overeating makes me feel! it is pure freedom!!!!!!



 
Food Today:

6 oz nonfat Pear Yogurt 
1 oz Kashi cereal with 1/4 cup vanilla soy
1 plum
Coffee with 1/2 cup vanilla soy ( to much soy milk today)
        (had another batch of coffee with 1/4 cup soy again later- too much soy)


1 oz Peanuts
1 cup broccoli
1 cup carrots2.5 oz Spring Greens with 1 oz red onion and 
1 oz goat cheese
1 apple

3 oz tofu
1 egg
1/2 c B pepper
1/2 c red Cabbage
1/2 c Napa Cabbage
1/2 c Zucchini
1/2 c green beans
2 oz Salad Greens with 1oz red onion
2 oz cheese


(i over did dinner - i only need one protein at night, and didn't plan a fat on top of the peanuts for lunch today. Also, too many coffees (although the coffee/tea wont kill me, the soy milk adds up over my allowed amounts)  I only allow up to three coffee/tea servings a day usually 2 coffee and one tea , but i tend to stick to one coffee in the morning, and then decaf tea at night)

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Making my way

Good day today, work, paycheck, got healthy groceries, watched a show, relaxed a bit. Although I did wake up on the wrong side of the bed and almost didn't go to work, but i got myself back in the right flow in order to have a good, strong day.

Just a a few things I love about not overeating and being healthy:
Not feeling overstuffed!
Not feeling constant guilt over eating to much
Feeling more energetic from good foods
Feeling more in control of my life
discovering my love for healthy choices and new vegetables
Understanding food and energy


Todays Food:

Breakfast:
2 oz cereal ( to make up for spilt yogurt)
1/4 cup vanilla soy milk
3 oz yogurt (spilt the rest)
1 plum

Lunch:
1 cup Broccoli
1 cup Sweet Potato
1 oz Peanuts
1 apple

Snack: 
Small apple

Dinner:
3 oz firm tofu
1 small egg
1 cup Broccoli
1/2 cup endive
2/3 cup Napa Cabbage
1/3 cup cooking spinach 
Stir fried in 1/2 tbs Peanut Butter with soy sauce, 
water, pepper, sesame seeds, pepper flakes and saracha sauce.



Sunday, March 6, 2011

Been a while, but im back

I realize i gave up on the blog, thinking it was not helping. But in all honesty i think starting to commit my meals on here, and share my weight progress will help me to stay on track. So back i am, and ready to truly make a commitment to the blog, for myself and anyone who wishes to join me in this journey. I have come a long way since i began the blog. I have gone from 205 lbs, to 174.6. This weight was just below my weight goal for the end of my school semester in June! All my eating healthy, portioned meals and getting the the gym at least 3 times a week, more if my busy schedule allows.

What have I done?

Here is my basic meal plan:

Breakfast:
1oz grain high in protein in the morning (I choose Kashi Original cereal and weigh and measure what I eat (1 oz is about 1/2 cup of the cereal). If I don't have time for cereal and soy/milk I will have a cereal bar high in protein(Kashi/Luna)
1/4-1/2 cup lowfat dairy or soy productI add 1/4 vanilla soy milk to the cereal and 1/4 to coffee/tea if i choose to.
1 serving fruit: I generally eat most fruits but tend to choose blueberries, apples, oranges, plums, and on occasion bananas since they are so readily available. 1 serving for me is 1 small/medium fruit or 1/2c of berries.
6-8 oz nonfat or lowfat yogurt (I choose Chobani as it is high in protein, or wallaby because i love the consistency)

Lunch:
3 servings of vegetables (most vegetables i measure 1 cup per serving(measure raw), or weight if it is hard to measure, i try to each one starchy vegetable out of the 3, like sweet potato)
1 Serving Protein: This is generally 3-4 oz lean meat/tofu, 1 egg, 1oz nuts or 2 oz beans.
1 fat: 1tsp oil (like olive oil or 1oz avocado)


Snack:
1 serving fruit: I generally choose non-starchy fruits as i will be winding down by the end of the day and don't need all the energy

Dinner: 
1 Serving Protein: This is generally 3-4 oz lean meat/tofu, 1 egg, 1oz nuts or 2 oz beans.
4 servings of vegetables (most vegetables i measure 1 cup per serving(measure raw), or weight if it is hard to measure. I generally don't eat starchy vegetables in the evening, only in the afternoon.
2 servings  fat: Pick two of the following: 1tsp oil (like olive oil), 1oz avocado, 1 oz soft cheese (like goat)


I allow myself up to 3 cups of coffee/tea a day which i generally add 1/4 cup of soy or non-fat milk. Only drinking decaf in the evening and drinking each cup at least 3 hours apart, not right after each other.
So with that, I make sure eat between 1200-1800 calories, depending on my energy spent throughout the day, less calories if I don't move much, more if i get to the gym.


With that, I have lost 30.1 lbs since I began my journey in January! My ultimate goal is to be 155 lbs by June 4th before I go back home. However, in order to not stress out i am focusing on being successful each day. Watch my food just in the present and don't worry about tomorrow. To many times have I said to myself, "ill eat better tomorrow", and that it one thing that got me to being overweight. Now it is about the present, and so fat so good : )

EDIT:
Todays food(following my meal plan)

1oz Kashi with 1/4 cup vanilla soy
6oz Wallaby nf Pear yogurt
1 sm banana plus 1/4cup blueberries
12oz coffee with 1/4 cup vanilla soy

1 egg with a little salt and pepper
2 brussel sprouts
1 cup Red Cabbage
1 cup Bok Choy
1 tsp olive oil for cooking

3 oz lean steak
1 cup Broccoli
1 cup Red Cabbage
1 cup Yellow Squash
1/2 cup Red Onion
(cooked in water with a little garlic and ginger)
2 oz cheese

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Why: part 2

• Swim Across a fair sized lake.: I did this when i was younger and in better shape and it felt amazing to finish something like that. By being able to do this again means i have reached a point in health and fitness that is with in my goals.


• Ride my bike to Burning Man.: People i told this thought i was stupid. I know the conditioning is hard and the strength needed for this is necessary, but i want to prove this to myself. It may never actually happen, but i want to do the distance at the least.


• Fit into a C cup:
I used to be this size, but because of all the extra fat i cant even fit in to a normal D, i have to wear non wire bras and thin material so that I dont look bigger, then my nipples so! ahhh. cute bras, and comfort to come!



• Fit into my old jeans (size 12): This is my first goal, then i want to get into single digits : ) Then I can borrow my friends cloths for once. I cant afford new jeans anyhow so when I can fit into my old jeans it will be like having new ones!



• Fit into my prom dress:
I want to wear this to my college graduation. Save money and feel like i have something to look forward too.

• have my inner thighs not rub against each other when I walk:
No more rashes, no more holes in my jeans and no more ruined leggings (from rubbing!).


• Wear a bikini on the beach without feeling horrible.: I want to feel sexy, and not feel like people are staring at my fat. I just want to run around and be happy : )


• Beat my backstroke swim time from high school.:
I stopped swimming after i began gaining weight. I loved it sooo much. Felt good, was good! will be good!!!

• Don't think about food compulsively for a whole day.
this is my ultimate goal that maybe will happen maybe wont, but i will always work on it : )

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

My Reasons

So, I feel horrible that I have not updated for days! I was in a little rut, and I still am. I wanted to go into my list of goals and really express why i have them on my list. I want to remind myself why they are there. Here we go

• Be under 200 lbs: completed 01/11/2011
 This goal was important for me, because reaching 200lbs was a dropping point for me. I was mortified! I had always told myself, " i wont get above 150.....160....180.... " this has gone on for years, I may as well have been saying " I don't care how big I get as long as I can eat" It was ridiculous. I made this my first goal because it was important for me to get below that number in order to know i was helping myself. I needed to see that I can live again. And it is my first success! I am on my way to getting healthy : )

• Leave the Medically 'Obese' zone (under 29.9 BMI)
So the story behind this is about 8 years ago I went to the doctor and she some hoe fit in, " you are now medically Obese" with out even looking at me! She said it as if it was normal, like it was expected. It didst phase me at fist until I was at home crying. I told my best friend and she said, " no your not!" so I believed her. I knew I really was, but I made myself believe it was not true so I felt better about being so heavy at school. Leaving this zone, I will make sure I do not take it lightly, it will be a huge triumph on my behalf, No more lying to myself! I need to be honest to be successful with this journey.

• Leave the Medically ' Overweight' zone (under 24.9 BMI)
I don't think i even remember not being overweight. Somehow I became to believe that my  healthy weight was 180lbs. I though this was a normal weight. When i looked into what i am supposed to be around, it is anywhere between 115 and 145 lbs! OMG! I have been lying to myself about health just as i somehow thought 6 hours of sleep a night was what a good night is (it is 8). This goal will be hard, but when i get there, i think it will be amazing. Sports, I am coming back!


• Weigh under 180 pounds.
I know this seems similar to all the others, but this is the weight on my Drivers License from when i was 16! This magical number represents the number i had to lie about on my card because i was too embarrassed to write down my true weight. My hopes is that my next drivers license will hold a new, better number : )


• Lose 50 lbs
This number i guess came from my main weight loss goal at the moment, to get to 155lbs. This is just before what the BMI says my healthy weight is, but i felt it was a goal with in reach. I can move forward from there to where i need to be.

• Find my comfort weight
No one knows their happy weight until they are there, who knows, maybe 155 is all i need! maybe more, maybe less. I wont know until i get there, and once i find it, i will hold on to it for my life (literally)

• Be in Athletic Shape.
I played soccer for ages, and swam competitively. I want to enjoy these passions once again, since my weight have caused me to stop swimming due to the suits, and stop soccer because of the strain on my knees. When i am healthy, this will be my form of exercise.

• Flirt with a guy for fun. 01/22/2011
Although my recent flirt was not at all what i meant by this, it was the fact that I didnt feel horribly ugly, and too shy to even try to flirt. I did it! he flirted back, friend wise anyhow, but nevertheless, i was filled with confidence. I do plan on doing this, as building my old personality back up to be a more fun loving person. No more isolation.

• Run a Mile nonstop.
I sometimes give myself landmarks to run to, like, the next stop sign, or the end of the block, or two blocks! I can only do some much. I get winded, and my feet die! I also have inflamed soles, but with less weight on my body there will be less strain on my feet, and more wind in my lungs. The mile is my goal, Even is its is a light run, or a jog. Just no stopping.

That is all for today. My weight is now at 189.2 lbs! so just a few more until I am out of obesity. WOOO! that seems so odd to say. Less than 5 lbs: ) Maybe in a few weeks i will be there. So excited for that. I just need to do this day by day. Gonna do the gym tomorrow since i couldn't today. And keep up with my proportionate eating

Friday, January 21, 2011

15 lbs gone forever!

So, i have lost 15 lbs on my journey so far! I am down to 190! This also means than I am about 5 pounds away from leaving obesity for the last time in my life. I will never let this come back this time. You probably are thinking, well, that has been what i said over and over and over again.

I am done with yoyo-ing and am i a journey to health and happiness. Not thin and happiness. This time it is not about getting the boy or just fitting into the jeans i could never wear (although it is nice to be able to consider those for once!) This is about learning to not look at food as I have, as an addictive substance. This is about letting myself live everyday and not killing myself with calories. I have support from people i though never cared, and see humanity in the world once again.

I honestly had been looking at everyone as a horrible selfish person, and blamed everyone for my own mistakes and anger. NO MORE (well, working on it anyways) I want to live life with optimism and a healthy body to do things i love, like soccer. I am 190lbs and have 35 lbs left to go to my first and main goal. : )

Today i leave for school with happiness. 

ill update after the day.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Working My Ass off (literally)

Well, I still haven't made it to the gym as I have really been focusing on my eating, which is more that 50% of what I need right now. I do do basic lifts, crunches, and punch sequences at home but sometimes a trip to the gym feels so much better. In addition, I have stayed very stable with my weight, but would like to see myself go under 190 at this point. So in addition to healthy calorie and nutrient intake I need to get myself to the gym to get some real exercise.

Food was good today, I have a little extra time today and i have a lot of thoughts of food, a few times I really thought strongly about getting more food than I needed but thinking about the meeting I attended tonight I was able to not overeat.

Food Today:

Apple
soy latte

Protein Bar
Coffee and soy milk

Salad with Cottage Cheese onions and cheese
Barley soup with chicken and a bunch of veggies

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Finding New Things

So today was fun. Since i tend to take in a lot of dairy in the mornings i decided to try out the soy latte at Starbucks and I didn't even need sweetener! I know that the soy is already sweetened but it was nice to not have to even think about adding something to it. I think i will be switching to soy milk, then i can still have yogurt in the morning if i wish. And hey, maybe this is the beginning of trying new healthier things too!

I am proud to say i have not eaten any f my binge foods for a week now! and i have stayed under my calories too.

My day was not to exciting, went to school, came home, attended a phone meeting and am now i am home.

Food:

Yogurt and a soy latte

chicken ceasar salad with light dressing

steak with mushrooms and broccoli
tea and 1/2 apple

Monday, January 17, 2011

Tomorrow I may Sing

My English teacher has asked me to sing for class tomorrow, some blues. The class is studying blues literature so since i have a background in music i guess it makes sense. However, i have not sung for someone in years, scary!

Anyhow, on the weight front, i am so close to breaking the 190 mark! i have not been under 190 for a long time. I am super excited. I still don't fit into my jeans but i did get a new shirt today. I needed something to boost my spirits.

 On another happy note, no binge eating today, I did very well with my food intake and control, and although i feel a little hungry still, when do i not! I feel just as hungry as i always do, so i don't actually know what hunger feels like since i never have stopped eating. Maybe if i miss a meal i will really remember what true hunger feels like. I haven't had a bagel in a week now, crazy! I know it sounds odd, but i had a bagel probably every day last year. if i missed a day, i would make it up in the next. What is the nutritional gain of a bagel I ask? And a bagel with cream cheese? Yes, i know you need carbs and dairy, but seriously, i could have gotten what i needed from a few crackers and my daily coffee. (not exactly true, but just getting my point across)

I have not had a pastry, or chocolate (other than soy milk) or sweets since last Monday. I think i can do this one day at a time with the help of my meetings and support of others. I am 15 lbs closer to health and happiness!


Todays Weigh in: 191.4 lbs

Food:
2% latte with 2 equals
blackberry nonfat yougurt (wallaby)

Salad with 1/4cup non fat cottage cheese and 1/2 tbs light dressing
1/2 small apple

Progresso soup: chicken and noodle
1 beer (149 calories)
1/2 small apple

notes: add more protein in the morning- maybe an egg? or have a soy milk latte-to much dairy

Sunday, January 16, 2011

More Passion for Success

Today I did well. I had one little fall when i had an extra cup of chocolate soy milk. Although my calories are under my limit, I still an unhappy that I lost the control over my food intake.

Today I had a latte  for breakfast with 2 equals. Then didn't get to eat until later in the day so for dinner i had a small steak, with bok choy and broccoli, with a beer (i think i may cut this out of my diet) I also had 2 cups of chocolate soy milk.
So not bad, but not great since the second helping of soy milk was out of pure urge for more, and not hunger or need for nutrients.

It is not easy to look at food as a form of energy, and nutrients. I always have used it as pleasure and choose my food compulsively.  I am truly challenged with becoming in more control of choosing, and eating food. When i have a bad day i just want to eat sugar, or bread, or anything tasty. Those are the moments that make this hard, but when i win the battle, they also make this all worth it.

The moment when i say no, is another step towards the success. It almost feels as good as when i see the numbers on the scale go down! On that note, i am surprised and confused with how my weigh ins have been going. I have been loosing almost a pound a day for this week. It is very odd. I suppose it is because i had been overweight for a good time and this is just the stored energy i have going away. I know it will not be this easy the entire journey and the pounds will be harder to come off, but it is nice to see a change.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Sculpture and Strength

Today was another success, hard but I feel good. I am just under 195 now, which makes me extremely happy. I feel like i can actually do this. I didn't eat the beautiful cupcakes, of the bagels, or even the extra cheese in the fridge. Thanks you world!

Today was a smooth day. I woke up and went to my first real Kickboxing class, got a set of hand wraps and learned how to throw a punch and kick correctly. Holding the actual pads was almost as hard as all the punching! Anyhow, I really enjoyed it although it was tough. The gyms are supposed to be open now at school but the monitor was absent this morning. I can't wait until the 24th, then I will have more options available for exercise.  With multiple meetings weekly I don't think I will have time to do the gym classes at brown, ill have to stick with the gym. That saves money any how!

After Kickboxing I went to sculpture studio, and am quite happy with where I am going with my project. Luckily the hours worked perfectly to make my meeting in the evening, and after i got home after a long day of struggling with the thoughts of food, I made a good dinner with with correct portions and am not having to many urges. Bring on the next day!

Friday, January 14, 2011

Honestly, I admit.

So part of my problems involve me lying to myself about food and cheating myself. When reading some of the literature I collected after my first program meeting, I cried. There is a list, yes or no, that helps you to realize ones problems as a Compulsive Overeater. I was yes to all but one of them. It made me realize how much this is really taking a toll on my emotions.



  1. Do you eat when you're not hungry?  YES 
  2. Do you go on eating binges for no apparent reason? YES
  3. Do you have feelings of guilt and remorse after overeating? YES
  4. Do you give too much time and thought to food? YES
  5. Do you look forward with pleasure and anticipation to the time when you can eat alone? YES
  6. Do you plan these secret binges ahead of time? YES
  7. Do you eat sensibly before others and make up for it alone? YES
  8. Is your weight affecting the way you live your life? YES
  9. Have you tried to diet for a week (or longer), only to fall short of your goal? YES
  10. Do you resent others telling you to "use a little willpower" to stop overeating? YES
  11. Despite evidence to the contrary, have you continued to assert that you can diet "on your own" whenever you wish? YES
  12. Do you crave to eat at a definite time, day or night, other than mealtime? YES
  13. Do you eat to escape from worries or trouble? YES
  14. Have you ever been treated for obesity or a food-related condition? NO
  15. Does your eating behavior make you or others unhappy? YES

Coming to terms with where I am in life has been difficult. I am young, but I feel like I have the body of someone broken. My knees crack walking up the stairs, my arms stick out away from my body because of my fat, and i cant look down all the way because of my double chin.

These things follow me day and night. This is my time to change though. I did well again today. Yogurt for breakfast with coffee with equal
Mediterranean Wrap for lunch
Salad with a side of Mac and cheese for dinner
Decaf Chai with equal for dessert

Fells good to control what I eat.

I have thanks for the women from program who have been calling on occasion to help give me strength and let me know they are there for me if i have an urge to overeat. I feel like i have more energy, less sluggish. Happy too. This feels amazing, I just need to keep my eye on the prize, I have had so many failures in the past that this scares me. I hope with the program, on maybe support from writing on here i can really do this.